Sunday, October 31, 2010

Bump Break...




I'm taking a short break in the Colorado posts to talk about this little bump.
In the last few weeks, it has grown from a little belly to something I find myself staring down at for most of the day. People ask me if I'm pregnant now, which I find brave, considering I'd never dare ask a woman a question that dangerous.

I don't mind when people rub my belly and no one has had to feel the wrath of this hormonal mess I am going through. I did however find myself drinking pickle juice at midnight, and felt overwhelmingly cliche.



A sweet client knit me this little pumpkin cap for next Fall. This time next year, we'll have a 6 month old to dress in a costume. It's terrifying how quickly life changes. A year ago was just yesterday, and a year ahead will be only tomorrow.



The truth about being pregnant is that it's been hard.
My whole life I've never had to slow down for anyone or anything. I am a busy body with big plans and long to-do's and the last few months have really taught me a lesson about myself.
This isn't about me anymore. I knew it going in, and I realize it loudly these last few weeks. My body is failing me, growing tired, heavy, and weak. Sickness, headaches, flooding emotions & changes in my body remind me that I is no longer singular and we are one unit, trying to get through 9 months and safely make it to the other side.

The hardest question I have been asked is: Do you like being pregnant?

Honestly, no, I don't. I always thought one day I would find myself in a sunny, perfect morning -pregnant, and beaming with the beauty and life that is motherhood. And the truth is, that day never came for me. It has been a rough road for me, losing control over a life I had tight reigns on. Some days, a lot of days, I am cussing at all the gross and perverse things that are going on with my body. We still call baby parasite, and one night Michael told me that he was worried I really felt that way.

I really feel that way.

This is our baby and I love it in ways I've never loved anything before. I love it like a thought or idea or figment of my imagination. A story, daydream, or vacation planned 9 long months in advance.

But it's still a parasite. Making me sick, tired, causing me to faint and get hives and eat things I don't want to eat.
I'm okay with this conclusion I have come to, and don't feel like it makes me any less of a Mother to feel this way.

So I guess I have to be honest and say that while I love the reward, the daydream, the figment that will be here this Spring, I don't love the process.
But I also will say that for every 346th time I go to the bathroom, or for every smell that makes me gag or pair of jeans I outgrow, there is something special, and almost, maybe almost sunny-beautiful-beaming-motherhoody about the first time you feel your baby move inside your own body.

For five days in a row, I have felt JuJu swim like a fantail goldfish across my belly. And each and every time I can go to that spot with my hands, and feel it under my skin. A little back, elbow, head...I can't even tell. & I probably shouldn't be poking. But I am also grateful for these days. The ones that remind me that maybe this whole thing isn't so disgusting and invasive, after all.

Hello, baby.




*PS, we find out Thanksgiving week if JuJu is a boy or girl.

71 comments:

Monique said...

Hi Aura

I really appreciate your honesty. I'm engaged and I have a very romantic idea of what pregnancy will be like. This very unfiltered yet loving description of your journey so far has opened my eyes a bit to the whole process. You look lovely. Enjoy this beautiful day.
xx
Monique

Hollie said...

I felt awful throughout most of my pregnancy too. But now, 2 years later, I have forgotten about all the bad stuff. I remember telling myself that I would NEVER have another child. Ever. And now it's all just a distant memory that I wouldn't mind reliving someday. It's much more magical once it's over and you see the little baby and try to wrap your mind around the idea that you actually made that thing. And don't feel bad for calling it a parasite. I called mine Ping Pong until she was born.

Aura said...

Monique- Romanticizing your life actually isn't a bad thing. But having been through good/bad relationships, let downs, marriage, and now pregnancy, I realize that it has always been unhealthy for me to romanticize about experiences I haven't been through yet.

Does that make sense at all?

Telling myself that marriage would be a fairytale was setting myself up for disaster, because ultimately, this is real life and not a movie. And while marriage is wonderful and beautiful and amazing and the best thing that ever happened to me, I didn't truly understand that or grow from it's experiences until I let go of the fantasy and lived in it's reality.
Now I can romanticize it, because we've been through a lot and I know it's not perfect. So the good days, vacations, memories...these are my healthy romanticism. Not the idea of what it should be.

Pregnancy has been the same thing. I set myself up for what it would be, and now I'm finding out the reality is much different. But with those realities comes beauty of it's own, and one step at a time I'm building my way into understanding that, and being comfortable with it.




Hollie- I told my Mom this might be the only Grandchild she gets from me :) She said the same thing -you always forget.

agapelife said...

you look absolutely stunning as always. I always appreciate your candid posts!

Sini said...

Oh Aura, I hope you will feel better. It's nice to hear the other side of being pregnant, it's not always like in movies. In my mind, I would love to be pregnant but maybe when the day comes, I will feel like you ( i get easily sick and faint, without having baby too..).But you know what, even you feel bad, you look amazing! And that belly suits you. Have a great Halloween with Michael and the baby :)

vintage girl at heart said...

What you are feeling is oh sooo normal!! Not many have that wonderful symptom free pregnancy!!
They are so very lucky and no I did not want to hear about it one bit when I was sick for nine months X four!
You look so beautiful and pickle juice at midnight sounds right about where you should be in the stage :)!
My daughter has been sick too and feels so low at times. She did just find out that it is a boy!
Blessings and I am looking forward to hearing what your baby will be if you share it here!

Kathleen said...

the first 20 weeks were hard for me. i remember throwing up on the coffee table because I couldn't make it down the hall into the bathroom. Also, I found myself cringing when others said, "I LOVE BEING PREGNANT". good for you, until then I'm going to clean up my barf from absurd places.
But the pay off, oh the pay off Aura is worth it all. :]

Andrea T said...

I have two kids and I hated both my pregnancies and both were totally different from the other. I hate people touching on me I don't know, whether it be doctor or strangers. A lady rubbed my belly in an elevator once, and I rubbed her belly back. She looked at me like I was super bananas. She had no reason to rub my belly more than I had a reason to rub hers. I also hated all the unwanted advice, especially with my second. I was like I've already been through this once, I think I got it.

But I love my kiddos, and I will probably have just one more! The pregnancies are just a distant memory now and they could have been a lot worse. So you are not alone in how you are feeling and I called mine parasites too!

The Kent Family said...

Aura,

Pregnancy isn't easy. Even for those of us that had it pretty easy. The beginning sucks, the end is worse but I told you I would let you know if it was worth it...it so is. I've been a mom for a whopping 4 days now and it is amazing.

Everything I went through during this pregnancy and labor gave me the best gift ever. Cheesy I know.

Just keep your eye on the prize. It seems like time is creeping by but once they put that baby in your arms you'll realize how fast it all went.

Good luck. I hope you feel better.

amber said...

You look gorgeous!! It's crazy to imagine a baby growing inside a belly, but someday when my hubby and decide to start a family, I am sure I will understand. I can appreciate your honesty too, I mean, most people rave about how glorious it is to be pregnant. It's refreshing to know that if I don't love it, I won't be the only one! ;)

jeana said...

I love your honesty. I too, loved the idea of being pregnant, but all three of my pregnancies were bad (see I forgot too) ;) the last one was the worst for me. I can honestly say, I did not like being pregnant either. I still long to have more babies, but enjoying the little men in our lives very much. In the end, it will be SO worth it!

Anonymous said...

I'm due I think very close to you, on April 10, and am 17 weeks today. I had fantasized about being pregnant as well and am surprised at how unromantic it has been so far. I have had a lot of work stress that will continue for another week and had assumed I would have a bump and feel the baby much sooner. I still haven't. I have been lucky and haven't been sick at all, but emotionally have found it hard to let myself get excited yet when it is still so unreal for me. Hang in there. It should get more romantic and easier the closer to the birth we get. Thanks for sharing your pregnancy and thoughts. Emily

Plantgeek said...

Thank you for your beautiful honesty. So many people want to paint a rosy perfect picture, afraid of being honest about the whole process.
I enjoy your blog for the beautiful pictures, and when you share your adventures and for your words.
I am sure you will raise a wonderful child. I hope that doesn't put any pressure on you.

Tabitha

Stephanie said...

Reading your blog was like a flashback to my pregnancy. After hearing my mom tell me stories of how much she enjoyed being pregnant with me and my three siblings I felt guilty when I admitted to myself that I HATED being pregnant. I had all kinds of complications and had to fight my body everyday just to get out and take a walk. The journey is hard but you'll get there and realize you were stronger than you ever thought. And coming from someone who never thought she'd have kids, it's SO worth it. : )

Kalei's Best Friend said...

With the first I was nauseous the first trimester.. after that I was eating like no tomorrow.. second and third pregnancies were a cinch, oh and if your first labor and delivery is fast, that sets a precedent for future births. The first was 8 hrs., second and third were a few for second and last birth was just an hr.
I think u are feeling this way because it is your first and your body is making a major change, physically and hormonally, w/emphasis on the last.
All in all I can say I loved being pregnant.

MelissaOK said...

Your honestly is so refreshing! And you look gorgeous! You babies are going to be the best photographed in town!!!
What kind of camera do you use? (I just got a new one! So excited!) Do you use a timer and tripod for your self portraits?

juliana said...

Oh, how well I understand what you're going through. I, too, had a romantic idea about pregnancy and realized quickly -- with the onset of 24/7 nausea and fatigue for a good two months -- that pregnancy isn't romantic. It will get better though, I can almost promise you that.

I was also horrified by the changes in my body, which I had always been so careful with, and knowing that I couldn't control it, that it was beyond my control, made it that much more difficult. I began turning inwards instead, and I began meditating. I continued doing yoga too, and I also read many spiritual and home birth books (Birthing From Within and Ina May's books are wonderful .. there's also one by Deepak Chopra that was really lovely) that helped me along in an emotional and mental way. Oh, and I exercised starting sometime in my 2nd trimester, went to the gym almost every day because it helped (I still gained 60 pounds, but I lost it all after the pregnancy too). I know you don't go to the gym, but do try to continue working out if you can. It will help SO much.

Much love and light to you as you continue on this new mama journey.

xoxox

Juliana

mirella said...

I love your honest post. I too had a difficult pregnancy. I thought I would be basking in a pregnancy glow and instead felt like an alien for most of 9 months. I haven't really forgotten, but it was all absolutely worth it. My daughter is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me and I would do it all over again. And another thing I didn't expect was that getting to know your baby once he or she arrives takes time. There's a whole bonding experience that turns into the greatest love. But that can take time too. So take it day by day. All the best to you! :-)

Leslie said...

I'm 39 weeks pregnant with my second baby right now, and I feel pretty "meh" about pregnancy. I don't love it or hate it, but one thing I DO love is how it brings me back to the basics, where I am forced to pay very close attention to what I need (which is usually something like food, water, rest, or a shoulder to cry on). I'm like a big ol' animal, I guess. I like that, because I think too much and want too much and obsess too much normally. I like this stripped-down version of me. :)

Anyway, pregnancy can be just a means to an end, but it can also be an incredible journey. Both of mine, no matter how "meh" I feel during them, have been amazing and unforgettable because of what I've learned along the way.

Melissa said...

haha i agree that asking a woman if she is pregnant is a dangerous question! you look marvelous, i love your hair, it looks wonderful both curly and straight! =)

Victoria said...

Despite how hard it all sounds, I still want one... and I'm definitely not ready. I bet you'll do great when it's here! Can't wait to hear all about it! {And see the amazing pictures you will no doubt take!}

Alivia said...

You look lovely! I wish you felt better, and hopefully it will get better soon.
<3

Jacki said...

You've got a cute baby bump.

Megan said...

I'm with you Aura. I'm 18 weeks pregnant and have graduated from calling the baby a parasite, now it is my little "amoeba". Up until 14 weeks I felt like it was sucking the life out of me, and I'm a bit concerned it will continue to do so for the next 20 years...

Anonymous said...

good for you for being honest! i'm a woman who may never be pregnant- at this point in my life, having children isn't on my to-do list. but i have nothing but respect and admiration for those women who ARE able to essentially lease out their bodies for nine months to little parasites who make them sick and give them grief, all so that the human species can continue on! you are brave and strong, mama. you are going to make a beautiful little life. your story is inspiring. this is the power and strength of WOMEN!

Mandi @ Finding Home said...

Aura, you look absolutely stunning. I know that pregnancy can be incredibly hard. I'm 6 weeks from our first baby's due date and I'm feeling every bit the weight of carrying this little belly bean. I love reading your bump dates and hope that you soon are relieved of some of the pain you're feeling.

journeyofthespirit2 said...

You are beautiful - inside and out. Being pregnant - being a mother - is difficult, emotional, painful even...but so, so totally worth it, as you have already eluded to. Hang in there...

p.s. I have a JuJu also (people wonder why I'm calling my child a Jew...I have to explain what it means in Farsi) :)

Meg said...

I didn't like being pregnant either. But Little B is the best.

jodi said...

it's all about the letting go and surrendering. It's the essence of conception, pregnancy, birth and mothering. Tough, I know. But essential to the journey.

PS. I think Juju is a girl.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing this. It's refreshing to hear the version that most people don't voice. I haven't been in this situation yet and have mixed feelings - mostly about the sickness and the "I" pieces. I'm getting to the age (I'm the same age as you) and place where I feel like I should be wanting this, but I just don't...yet. Husband makes comments, but doesn't push. Did you and Michael talk about it much?

You look amazing in the 17 weeks picture!

Brown Girl said...

I love your honesty, always have, always will. You look beautiful pregnant.

Anonymous said...

Your honesty is refreshing and you are beautiful inside and out.

Kristina Fournier said...

I absolutely love your honesty. And while I fall closer to the "I love being pregnant" side... I definitely had my days where I thought otherwise and wished to skip the whole thing as well. Ha. I know you've heard this a million times... but it's worth it. So worth it. I don't remember any of things I thought I always would and have me dreading doing it again. It's like once they're here all the bad stuff just... goes away. Leaves the brain. For me at least. Especially watching you glow, grow, and talk about the first feelings of movement - those times were so precious and have me wishing I were already doing it all over again.

I'm so excited for you two to find out the sex!

Annie Kennedy said...

Feel better Aura :) You look radiant :)

Miss Hothouse Orchid said...

You are so wonderfully honest. Thanks for sharing everything. Keeping my fingers crossed that things get easier for you. Love the Colorado posts by the way. It's fun reading in detail about an adventure that I don't think I would ever have the guts to go on!

Sheyenne said...

Your blog is my favorite... I always save it for last on my Google Reader. :) I love this post and everything you wrote... I am just about a month behind you in my pregnancy, and know the feeling of cursing my own body while also staring in awe at all the changes! Thanks for sharing.

Jolene said...

Aww Aura, I hope you'll feel better. Thanks for sharing this. I guess at this stage you'll have to be strong and put your 'eye on the prize', the baby! I guess once after that whole 9 months over and you have your sweet little thing in your arms, you'll feel that it's all worth it. Hang in there! Oh and you look absolutely gorgeous with that bump!

Carly Anne said...

Wow - his is such a well written, honest post. I'll echo some of the comments above and say that it's a breath of fresh air to hear someone talk about the negative aspects of pregnancy. For some reason, i always imagine myself having a rough time being prego...even though I'm very excited to have children.

XO
Carly

All this is Grace and Charm
http://allthisgraceandcharm.blogspot.com

kati said...

i felt the same way. twice. i had gestational diabetes both times, and was on bedrest at the end of my second. i also suffered from PPD. i know how it feels to not enjoy it like you think you're supposed to. and i just want to reassure you that that morning WILL come. and it will be better than you even imagine it to be. feeling your baby move inside you really does help with those feelings. and you are a gorgeous mama!

Raechel said...

Aura,

It is great that you have been so honest. I think it will make a lot of other mothers-to-be realize that if they, too, feel this way that it is okay. It isn't something to hide.

Pregnancy is a big, big change. It does weird, gross things to your body. Your body doesn't feel like your body anymore. You can't control the changes. Etc. I just don't think that people feel that it is okay to admit, "I don't care for this much."

Major kudos to you for knowing it is okay to admit that. :)

I am excited to follow you on your journey. I poked around your blog a bit before you were pregnant -- I love how travel-oriented you, your husband, and your dog are. I like your little family and I'm excited to watch it grow.

Sini said...

Ps. I'm guessing JuJu is a boy :)

Cristine said...

Hi Aura! I'm sure I'm not the first to tell you that the first 3 months are quite scary (if it's your first) and probably the one's that make you feel like a grumpy axe murderer, especially if you are suffering from morning sickness. BUT you will have so much energy in the next trimester giving you that control over your life again. It's God's way of giving you time to get ready for the expected life growing in side - getting the room ready, buying stuff for him or her, enjoying your last moments of freedom before your life changes (for the very best) forever. Enjoy it, now matter how you feel, after all how often are we pregnant? It's such an amazing experience. Please don't call your baby a parasite, you're going to feel guilty when you are finally holding him or her in your arms. You're so fortunate, I wish I was pregnant again...

Kristina said...

What a beautiful post. So heartfelt and honest. I am due in 6 weeks (yikes!) And I have to admit that I had a few of those feelings too. At the beginning I was so very tired and I am a move-about kind of girl too (probably why my back hurts so bad today after trying to steamclean the carpets this weekend and move around furniture!), so I was constantly frustrated at not being able to do things. I was also very hormonal, and I felt disappointment in myself that I wasn't having the pregnancy that I always thought I would.

But, now, things are different. You are right, once you feel the baby move it becomes so real and tangible. Life does change, but for the most part in a good way. Now I crave her movement, and feel such an intense love that I feel I might fall apart sometimes.

Oh, and don't worry about poking your belly. I was worried about that too a while back, but my midwife says it was just fine and a great way to feel connected to your baby. So now I'm pressing and poking all the time. I consider it "playing" with her, although I'm sure she's wondering what's going on!

I will be keeping up with your posts! Wonderful blog, and so sorry for the long comment!!!

Katyha said...

I know those feelings all too well. I felt so awful the first few months, I never wanted to wake up. I had caesareans with all 4 of my kids, 3 boys and a girl and would do it all again. Silly isn't it?

jennifer said...

that's a gorgeous figure! if it helps, the second half is way easier. you'll feel much more energy and be more able to do your regular stuff.

April said...

I too was addicted to pickles and the juice and I too loved the flutter of my little bean growing inside...and I too felt that my body was being invaded at times. I think its hard for a smaller person to get used to being preggo b/c we have been so small for so long and then boom we've gained 10 lbs. Thats how i felt. You will look back at all this and laugh one day....it will pass, life will go on and you'll be camping out in the mountains with your new babe under the stars! I can't wait!!

thedirtyknitter said...

I felt the same way w/ my first pregnancy..I didn't hate it - but I didn't love it either...and was happy that part was over. Now that we have a 20 month old and are expecting another little one in April, I'm still not loving the experience. It's draining...but I know the end result even better than I knew the first time around...and it's so worth it. I'm enjoying watching you go through this journey! Good luck with everything!

Anonymous said...

I had a similar experience...I remember complaining about it one day and my mom said that my body was creating a new life, of course it was hard, did I think it was going to be easy? I actually did I guess! Good Luck, it will get better, and you will forget how tough it was, promise.

accidentally, kle said...

Can't sympathise enough. Hopefully you will feel better, and once you start feeling him or her moving and kicking, it does actually begin to feel far more worth your while, to put it crudely. I do hope you get to enjoy the pregnancy, even if just a little bit x

Rachel said...

I have no plans to have kids anytime soon but some day I will and I always feel like the odd one out when I hear women swooning over how they can't wait to be pregnant when the whole idea sort of grosses me out. It is so refreshing to see someone write realistically and unapologetically about how they are really feeling. Sometimes I feel that blog land is overcome with people writing about such ideal accounts of life that i sometimes finish reading and think "wow my life is awful" but you are always so rational about marriage, life and even motherhood.

Keep being yourself in a world where there is so much pressure to be ideal. Oh..and you look gorgeous even if you don't feel that way!

much love and light
Rachel

amber said...

finally.. an honest pregnant woman!!! =)

actually, i have 4 kids ranging from 1 month to 13 years old and there are STILL days i feel like they're parasites!!! haha.

regardless of how you feel you certainly lo0k all glowy and beautiful.

wishing you and the little parasite a happy day~

amber

Mo Pie, Please said...

It's refreshing to hear such honesty about this whole process. I Have a good friend who is almost 6 months pregnant and she has given me the honest truth of it too. There's no way it can be easy. I don't like hearing things like, "oh pregnancy is so much fun, you'll love it" when that isn't the truth. I love having a drink every day - I can't imagine having to give that up (sad, I know) so I think about that all the time. But at least you get the reward of a little person who loves you in the end. Good luck getting through it!

Parissa said...

Hi Aura,
I recently discovered your blog, and was pleasantly surprised to find that we have two things in common. We're both iranian-american, and having a baby around the same time (I'm due April 9). I appreciate all your thoughts in this post. I've had a difficult 17 weeks as well, with morning sickness, fatigue, aches in parts of my body that annoy me (hips, back, legs, virtually everything aches). I had an amnio last week (because I'm 35) and it totally sucked. But I'm happy that I recovered and got through it with (knock-on-wood) no problems. We'll find out the sex of our baby next week with the results of the amnio! I haven't felt the baby move yet, but I've ready that can happen any time between now and 20 weeks. Patience...

Anyway, just wanted to say hello and congrats and...hang in there, from one mama-to-be to another ;)

ghorbonet,
Parissa

Monica said...

You look stunning! And I admire your honesty about all of this.
Keep on keepin' on Aura!

Brush Fire Fairytails said...

you are most definalty the cutest pregnant lady ever! But I can imagine feeling the same way about being pregnant... I am pretty selfish and I dont think I would deal well with having to share my body with a demanding fetus haha! But I always say that the harder something is the bigger the reward :)

Notes from Holly St. said...

Aura, thank you for honesty. Your words couldn't ring more true for me either. I'm 22 weeks pregnant and I truly can't wait for this process to be over. I use to fantasize about the joys and beauty of being pregnant but the truth is that it hasn't even come close to what I dreamt it would be like. Take it from me though, as your baby grows bigger and the kicks become stronger and more distinct, you fall more and more in love and the aches and pains become a little more bearable.

You speak the words that I'm often thinking but too afraid to stay out loud for the fear of being judged by others. Thank you for your courage. Hang in there...you look beautiful!

MasonLeskowitz said...

Dear Aura,
Some unsolicited advice that helped me - Reduce. Reduce your expectations - that will help to reduce your stress level, just take life as it is, as it comes, and flow with how you feel physically - nap as you wish, eat as you feel, take every advantage offered to you. Let as much of the unimportant go as possible, ask others for as much help as you can - for me that was letting my husband do the laundry - all the time. Clean out your phone book and decide who qualifies to be there - don't waste precious time on anybody. Reduce your mental and physical clutter as much as you can. And stay true to yourself. You are a beautiful, generous soul. Being pregnant make you a mother. So you must take the best care of you. When Momma is happy, everybody is happy!

Hope this unsolicited advice helps you as it helped me - 6 years and then 3 years ago.

Blessings

Mama Bee said...

Before I was pregnant, I never daydreamed about having children. Babies and small children somewhat terrified me. There were none in my family and my own mother was practically allergic to kids. Pregnant women who were eager to share the in utero movements of their kids freaked me out in major way. It seemed so odd to me to feel something moving around independently inside you like that.

When I found myself unexpectedly pregnant, I was actually elated and that lasted about 7 months, but suddenly, some weird hormonal surge caused some really unfriendly thoughts towards my baby to surface. I felt exactly like you said, that the baby was parasitic. I actually started to resent my unborn child for the horrible emotional lows I was going through. I had bad perinatal depression and anxiety. Maybe I just repressed all the negative emotions and fear till they erupted in my 7th month, I'm not sure, but I wish someone had been real with me about their feelings toward pregnancy. I might not have suffered so much guilt for my own less than rosy emotions. Thank you. I think it's really important for women to be more honest about their experiences in life so that we're not all left feeling like odd balls for what is actually normal emotions.

My "baby" recently turned 2 and though motherhood is the challenge of my life, I truly do love it more than anything and am looking forward to having another child at some point. Hang in there. The pay off is well worth it!

Aura said...

I can never say enough for the support and advice I receive here.

So I will say only: thank you.

Meemo said...

I think that what you're feeling is totally normal. It's hard giving up one's body for so long, which is an issue I had with breast feeding. I was so ready to take my body back, but breastfeeding makes that difficult to do.

Hang in there. Not to be a downer, but losing control of your life now will help you prepare for the happy chaos that baby brings. You do have to let go. There's a new boss in town!

Nancy said...

OMG! OMG!

You are so cute in those photos.

I can certainly relate. At the moment I feel like I don't want children, but definitely keeping an open mind that later I could change my mind.

You talking about the process sounds like something I would feel should I be blessed with motherhood in the future.

Thank you for your honesty and wishing you love and peace in the rest of your nesting.

Beth Rutter said...

Always remember, no matter how awful something may be for you there are people in the world who would give anything to be in that "awful" place.

Heather said...

Aura, I'm right there with you :) My first pregnancy wasn't all that great, although nothing terrible, I didn't really connect. Until I started to feel movement. That was so incredible. And then I saw her yawn on the ultrasound and it took my breath away. Then it got worse again as she grew heavier. After I had her I spent months thinking all I was was a milk machine feeding all night long. When I stopped nursing at 13 months, I missed it terribly. Isn't it odd how things change like that?
This baby surprised me. I wasn't planning on doing it again. I'm 12 weeks. I'm terrified. And I'm feeling all the same feelings you are all over again.

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic said...

If you aren't so please it certainly doesn't show in your pictures - you look amazing and adorable! I will say that I want to thank you for your honesty. Becoming a mother is a huge fear I hold currently. Not the MOM party but the being a pregnant woman part. So thank you for making every emotion that comes with that OK to express and thank you for expressing your feelings so openly! ox

Cammie said...

Thanks for sharing this. I'm 15 weeks pregnant and I feel the same way. I don't recognize my body. I'm exhausted, have migraines every day, my face is covered in acne, just to mention a few things. Like you said, even though I feel this way, this doesn't mean I don't love my baby and am excited for its arrival. This baby was very planned and wanted. But it's really hard to deal with people around me who expect me to be living a fairytale. People look at me like I'm a monster when I say I'm not enjoying the process. But this is me, and I'm not going to pretend this is a wonderful time, because it's not.

You look beautiful, by the way!

Rachel Elizabeth said...

I felt the same way when I was pregnant and love being a mom, but sometimes I miss being pregnant now. I miss it what I didn't have to share her with anyone and it was just to two of us. Find one thing you like about it and cling to that, it makes the rest of it suck way less. :]

Julie-Inspired said...

I just read the most inspiring, beautiful birth story and I immediately thought of you, and maybe you could get some inspiration out of it. You know when you read something that's just so incredibly sweet? Well, this is one of those posts. Hope the link works, if not let me know. Julie

http://theterrific4.blogspot.com/2010/10/dashels-story.html

BethanySusan said...

I adore the way you say things. You have a knack for putting into writing what others feel but don't know how to express.

Fanny - A nos enfants ! said...

What an amazing blog and sweet pictures. I loved the ones with thes camping and trees... And here, I love the mom to be ;-))
You just need a Mood kit, do you what it is ? No !!! It's french :(
http://www.oefshop.com
Have a good day

DNav said...

Hi Aura- I love your honesty I feel the same exact way! When People ask me if I love being pregnant I feel horrible when I say no... I dont love being pregnant but I lovee feeling my baby girl move around. Im 27weeks and its getting harder every week but I know it will all be worth it! Hang in there! Thinking of you and your little one!

Chela said...

I was shopping online today for maternity clothes (this is my second pregnancy and I my baby is 9 weeks) and I couldn't help but look at all of the swollen bellies in the pictures and think, "Come to think of it, that doesn't look pretty at all." Our bodies, minds and emotions go through so much in order to develop the little lives we are blessed with. There are moments during the pregnancy, as there are with any other aspects of life, that are romantic and beautiful and full of joy and bliss. Such as the first flutter of movement you feel when your baby connects its presence with your feeling, or realizing that this week your baby can hear you voice or taste that strawberry. The rest is a lot of discomfort and a pain. I was cooking one day (during my first pregnancy) and was still not accustomed to my bulging belly. It was hot in our house and I had rolled up my top to cool off. I leaned my normal distance over the stove and burned my belly right on the rim of one of my pans. Not many people understand the little hardships and the big hardships that women go through to continue the cycle of life, and so I applaud us all who have done it and are doing it, for enduring for the sake of life and the sake of love. God bless you as you endure, and give many sweet moments too, the ones you will remember the most when you are holding that beautiful Juju.