The night my water broke, I started to shake. I was frozen with fear, not knowing what to expect next. Everything I had been calm and preparing for went out the window in the second I realized that you - my daydream, my imaginary baby - would be here in just a few hours.
When my midwife placed you on my chest, I remember the way you smelled. Even though I had never smelled you before, you still smelled familiar. Like an old tshirt or the way home smells when you first walk in after a long vacation. When you looked in my eyes, it was like I was looking through a mirror at myself. And in the same way I felt like I knew you....a set of eyes I had somehow looked into before, you knew me. Your body melted onto mine like complete relief. I have never felt more needed by something my entire life, and in that moment I realized we belonged to each other.
Elodie, you are one month old. You have started looking into my eyes, instead of me just looking into yours. In the middle of the night, half asleep and in a haze - you look into my eyes and you begin to smile. Before this, there has been nothing that burned a fire inside my heart like the moment I realized that you recognized me. I love you, I love you, a thousand times I love you. Beautiful little girl, this feels like the first day that I am alive. To know that I have created you, and you understand it.