Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day.




Last week, my Mother in Law told me that as a Mother, she made mistakes. And she also told me that I would be a better Mother than my own, and one day, Elodie would be even better than myself.

It was in this conversation that I began to understand the path of self-awareness that we take as parents. One day we are just ourselves, and that is enough. Then they place a new baby in your arms, and all of a sudden every flaw and insecurity you have in yourself is illuminated to the thousandth degree. Will we ever be good enough, in our own eyes?
Somewhere along the path of life, these little things watch and grow from us, their Mothers.



When I was a little girl, I wanted so badly to be my Mom. Not yet conscience of my acts - pretending to cook and smash berries and leaves in the backyard with a rock. Carrying around tiny shovels and learning to grow a green thumb.
I was already practicing to become my Mom, who I both desperately wanted to impress, and become at the same time.



I know now, that raising a little girl is not as simple as waving gardening gloves and kitchen knives, and somehow yielding a well-rounded young woman from it. It's about looking down into your own flaws and failures, and trying to change them so your child doesn't see, and mimic those same acts. Wishing they won't be the worst parts of you.

I see my flaws on the open, innocent face of Elodie. Hoping that she will be better, hoping she doesn't see through my daily struggle to do so. For the little girl that will one day grow up to become a better version of myself.


Happy Mother's Day.





To my Grandmother, who mothered with her love and natural instinct over everything else. Who rocked me to sleep in the same way she rocks Elodie, these days.

To my Mom, the most important woman I know. Who held her own flaws like deep rooted secrets but was so open as a book that I read her, anyway. My inspiration and every desire to one day have babies of my own, and start over this whole messy process of life.

To my sister. Who was the night to my day difference, both as little girls, then women, and now, both Mothers. Our stark contrast in personality teaches me moderation, and patience in our differences.

To my Mother in Law. Who once reminded me that no matter how much I feel like I will let Elodie down and can always do better as her Mom, she will grow up one day and not carry the same hot coals of disappointment in tight-clenched fists. She will know I did my best.



And to me, on my first Mother's Day.
Precious Elodie, I carried you in my heart my entire life, in my body for 9 months, and I will carry you through every fiber of my being for the rest of my life. You are my everything.

36 comments:

Annie Kennedy said...

Happy first Mother's Day Aura! :)

Kalei's Best Friend said...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO YOU! First time mommy- enjoy-....wonderful photos as always.

Jaymi said...

Happy Mother's Day to you. It sure is an amazing thing to hear this year, isn't it?

A Cappelli said...

Happy First Mother's Day! This is a beautiful tribute to the amazing women in your life.

Sue said...

Happy Happy Mother's Day Sweetie....just love her...you will be a wonderful Mother!

Danielle said...

Happy (1st) Mother's Day, Aura! Sounds like everything's going great! Here lately, I've been reading all of your old blogs.. like old old blogs haha! So fun! We have lots of catching up to do when I come see you in a couple of weeks :)

Anonymous said...

You are a beautiful inspiration in every way possible. Happy Mothers Day!

TaylorJeneƩ said...

Absolutely beautiful as always! I have read each and every one of your blogs as they never fail to inspire me. I hope your very first mothers day was spent doing something you love, and congratulations on your adorable baby girl, ya did good mama:)

jeana said...

Precious post! Happy Mother's Day beautiful Aura.

Elisa said...

what a beautiful post about all the important ladies in your life!

Happy Mother's day!

Morgan said...

happy first mother's day!

Gaby said...

This was such a beautiful post Aura! Elodie is blessed to have you as her mother. Hope you're enjoying a wonderful first mother's day. xx

Gina said...

Happy First Mother's Day to you!

Loni & Company said...

Aura, your posts always make me tear up these days! Your writing is beautiful.

I was telling Dustin last night that I need to stop talking about my insecurities and embrace who i am, inside and out. I don't want P to grow up with a mother like mine...as awful as that sounds.

I want her to love herself and be confident and strong.

17 Perth said...

Beautiful and honest post. I love how you said,

"It's about looking down into your own flaws and failures, and trying to change them so your child doesn't see, and mimic those same acts."

And it's so true. Thank you for your honesty....and little Elodie is lucky to have such a wonderful, reflective momma. : )

Happy Mother's Day to you!

Chelsea said...

gorgeous (1st) shot. love that pregnant belly!!!

happy mothers day!

Octohawk said...

Ah jesus.. I don't know you, and I'm not even a mother.. and this just made me well up.

Happy Mother's Day <3

Court said...

Happy Mother's Day, Aura! I hope to be as introspective, wise and caring as you when I become a mother.

Sini said...

Happy first Mother's day to you, Aura.

korea travelpost said...

Happy mother's day to you.

Ramona said...

Happy first Mother's day! What a beautiful thing! So well said that when we have children we see our flaws and have to change them... one day I'll be there too and I'll think of that!

didi said...

that's so beautiful, Aura...
happy first mother's day to you.

Notes from Holly St. said...

chills...so beautiful. happy first mother's day!

stacy said...

I have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes as I read these beautiful words. As a mother of a two year old little girl, I feel your sentiments exactly, and like every good mother out there, I know what it is like to love someone so much your heart aches! You will be a wonderful mother! You seem to have learned from the best! Cheers to your beautiful new family! xx stacy

Mrs. G said...

Happy 1st Mother's Day, Aura! What a busy and blessed year we have had. Hard to believe that we've gone from silly little college girls to mothers over the course of our friendship. <3

Ashley J. said...

Yet again, I am in tears. Happy First Mothers Day, sweet heart!

Belle said...

Happy 1st Mother's Day! Don't worry, all you really have to do is love her and let her know it. Kids can shrug everything else off.

Jessica said...

What a wonderful feeling to be a mother. You will go through so many ups and downs throughout the growth of your precious little girl, peppered with joyous serene moments of appreciation and contentment. Cherish every single one. For as I'm sure you are already aware, those precious moments will turn to memories in a sweet baby blink.

I hope you had a wonderful mothers day! You deserve it girl!
Love love love! <3

Anonymous said...

I think you wrote way back, when you'd just found out you were pregnant, that motherhood would not change you. You'd still be you, your husband would still be him, you;d still take pictures of lots of things every day...Hmmmm...still feel the same way? Doesn't sound like it :)

dieaku said...

I can't fully express how much I think of the beautiful way with words you have.
Happy first mother's day and every one to come.
Much love~

l e n e y said...

Thats so beautiful! Happy Mother's Day Aura!!

Erin said...

Happy First Mother's Day! Elodie is soooo beautiful. I have been reading your blog for a little over a year now. I love seeing your words of wisdom and your beautiful photos. I loved hearing all about getting ready for Elodie and I look forward to watching her grow!

Tereza said...

Beautiful post!

jboogribs said...

WOW! What a gorgeous family! I LOVE the photos! and Ive not seen ropes shoes in forever.....they are the best ;)

The Tiny Team said...

ELODIE! I love you! You have the sweetest name and face of any baby girl!

Tell your mama she has a pretty amazing lil' bloggy! WOW!

xo,
Amy

jamie said...

Aura, found your blog from Dearbaby. Thank you for expressing new motherhood so well. Honestly, your entire blog is gorgeous. Congrats on the new creation. blessings.