We found out a lot of new things about you, these last few weeks. We found out you're a girl, and I've started filling your room with little bits and treasures that I have collected over the years.
My favorite is a bunny that your Bibi sewed for me when I was a little girl. I remember going together to the fabric store to pick out the colors for her dress. I picked a peach floral print fabric, and peach ribbons for her floppy ears.
Right now she's in your bed, naked. In my studio is a small pile of fabrics that I will use to make her a new dress - one that matches your room.
Figaro the cat has been curiously observing every little thing that belongs to you. You don't have to call him Figaro, we only do when he's in trouble. You will call him Fig, and please be nice to him. He came from a not-so-lovely past and now he doesn't trust people very often. We hope he will love you, like he does us. At night he curls up on the couch next to my belly and purrs. I wonder if you can hear or feel him, yet.
Last night I felt my first contractions. I went to bed at 11:00, and around 3:45 I woke up in bed feeling something I had never felt before. I was a little scared, but I didn't want to wake up your Dad in case it was nothing. I drank some water and laid on my side, breathing slowly and waiting for them to go away.
I guess now I know what contractions feel like. I know the pain is only a thousandth of what I will feel on your birthday, but knowing what they're like was almost a relief. There was a strange comfort in those contractions....a rhythmic wave and release and pattern to the way my body was turning.
I can't compare it closer to anything but laying in the low tide, weightless. And feeling the ocean pull me in and out as my body surrenders and lets go of any resistance I have to offer against it.
I'm not scared anymore, baby. When your birthday is here, the pain won't even matter because on that day we will get to meet you.
I can't wait to take you to the ocean, and let you feel that kind of weightless rhythm in your own body.
"Only the Ocean" - Jack Johnson
note: in Farsi, Juju means tiny bird. My Mom said at work, the women have taken to calling baby Juju and think we will be naming her that. While I will probably always call her Juju, she will have a real name, someday :)
Bibi is short for Aubibi, which means Grandmother. We will be teaching our daughter Farsi, and hope to incorporate as many words as possible into her vocabulary.