Friday, February 25, 2011

Drink the wild air.

Last year for Valentine's day, we decided to build a fort in the middle of our living room, and stay in. We watched moves, ate, and nested in it for 2 nights in a row. This year, we decided that our tradition would remain, and love-day would always be a reason to camp in the middle of our living room.

We slept in our little nest for 3 nights, and only took it down because friends were coming from out of town to stay with us. Of course Michael asked "do you think they want to sleep in the fort?!" :)

All day today, I have felt stressed and stretched thin. My weekend to-do is growing, and for now my list is:

  • Call insurance, sit on hold for ten hours, and find options for pediatricians
  • Go to the post office/mail a package
  • Go to the bank
  • Work 10:00-3:00 tomorrow
  • See family
  • Buy and write out all the thank-you cards for shower gifts
  • Take pictures of new products for March
  • Add new items to the website
  • Completely re-build my site, period
  • Sewing new items (6 headbands, 12 burp cloths, dish towels)
  • Midwife appointment/Ultrasound
  • Work on the nursery
  • Paint picture frames
  • Walk the dog
  • Clean
  • Breathe.

    Are there ever enough hours in the day, friends?

    I have been working feverishly to get so many things done before the weekend hits, so I can relax. But my week days seem just as full, and I'm losing my patience as night hits and things spill over into the next day. I have had no time to relax, do yoga, take a bath, or just enjoy a free minute. Work has been getting harder, and I'm finding myself more and more ready to just sit in the middle of the floor and cry like a huge baby as these last few uncomfortable weeks seem to crawl by.
    Every one keeps telling me to rest, but how can my mind sleep when I know there are things to be done? I am a busy-body by nature, and even when there is nothing left to do, I will find something. Sometimes I really dislike that quality about myself, and wish for more care-free thoughts to push the worrisome ones out of my head.

    Days like today, I am thankful for the beautiful people in my life that weave in and out of these moments like little sweet reminders to just breathe.
    Today when I got to work, I had a gift from a friend waiting for me. A pair of little red shoes for the baby, a little bird shirt for her first few months, a new book to read, with a couple sweet notes inside, like this one.

    Just what I needed today.

    Last week I got a package in the mail from dear Jodi, all the way from Australia. A lovely knit blanket for the little one that I wanted to wrap up in, and a new meditation cd.

    Lucky, lucky me, to have such beautiful people in my life to remind me to stop and take a moment to do the things that really matter.

    I need these reminders so much on weekends like this, where one minute I swear that life will swallow me whole, and the next...I decide that half the things on my to-do list can just go. Because I need a few days to soak in the tub, read my new book, and listen to my cd.

    I know that these are the things I plan to teach this little one, so why should I ask anything less for myself? Sometimes it is easier to teach through the way we live our lives, than through the words we struggle to find. These are the lessons I am already learning through being a Mother. That sometimes, I won't need to say much at all. As long as I am at peace, drinking the wild air around me, baby girl will learn the importance of stealing these sweet moments for herself, one day.

    There is nothing more awakening in your heart than knowing that a little girl will be watching you, waiting to learn her lessons about life. And through my journey into Motherhood, where I should be assuming my role as her teacher, I can't help but feel like she will be teaching me so much more than I could ever know about myself.


    Ashlae said...

    This is an absolutely beautiful and touching post, Aura. You are going to be an absolutely amazing mother - but you already know that :)

    And that fort! So romantic and adorable. Swoon.

    C.M.N said...

    I don't think I've ever commented...but just wanted to say that I am glad I checked in on you today as I was sitting on the computer making a weekend to-do list. There is always less time and more to do so it's nice to have reminders to just breathe and take it all in. Really enjoy your pictures..


    a little black cloud in a dress said...

    I know that with my little one, she does what I do.. and doesn't pay much mind to the things I say. The older she gets, the more I see her mimicking me, because I'm home with her all day, and sometimes it makes me so proud.. but I still have my moments where that actually scares me a bit.

    Even though everyone tells you about all the horrors of being a new mom - sleepless nites, poopy diapers, etc. - nothing is as hard as it seems.. and life kind of slows down for a little bit. When I think back on the times of the first 2 weeks of my little one's life, I remember it in slow motion.

    Megan Bernard said...

    Hello there!

    The first thing that I thought when I began reading this post was, "Wow! They really know how to build a fort!" I liked it a lot. It looked absolutely cozy-- I don't blame you for spending multiple days in there.

    Have a lovely weekend!


    Jessica said...

    Love the fort! I just wanted to cozy on up in there! :)
    Being pregnant, giving birth, and leaping headlong into this thing called "mother-hood", is the hardest, but most precious and gratifying experience a woman can have. All these moments of being overwhelmed and then that sense of clarity when you realize what is truly a "must do" on your to do list are all stepping stones that show how you are being molded into a mother who will teach her child how to be a woman in this world.

    You are going to be a WONDERFUL mother. Take time for yourself. Listen to what your soul is asking for and ask for help whenever you need it. I had a hard time at first with wanting to be super-mom, but quickly realized that asking for help, whether it be with laundry, feeding the baby so I could sneak in a 30 minute cat nap, or just needing to let the chaos fall where it may and rest, is NOT a sign of weakness, but incredible strength and trust in one's instincts. So don't be afraid to delegate darling! :)

    Take care, take time out for you (and Michael to spend together), try as much as you can to enjoy (haha...I know that's funny, because of how uncomfortable it can be), the last few weeks of your pregnancy because it will be gone in a flash.

    Blessings to you love.
    You are in my thoughts.

    Octohawk said...

    "one minute I swear that life will swallow me whole, and the next...I decide that half the things on my to-do list can just go."

    Trust me you're not the only one.

    Whitney Lee said...

    No, never ever enough hours in the day. Your to do lists are going to have to go out the window for a bit once your love arrives. Don't forget to take those moments for yourself, and for you and your hubby. You are the foundation for your baby, and a strong foundation needs lots of rest as well as hard work. Wallow in these last moments before birth. They are precious and your life will never be the same (but oh so very worth it).

    ag. said...

    So love the fort!!
    I do hope you keep getting the simple things that make you smile throughout the day so you have some sweet moments of sanity.

    Kristina said...

    Holy crap. I made a fort for Charlie and I tonight because she likes crawling in and out of them but it looks so weak compared to this, hahaha. I wish. Unfortunately she'd have pulled all of those fabulous things down on us in a matter of seconds.

    Your pregnancy feet look so much like mine did. The final days they resembled a stress ball. So much water retention!

    Anonymous said...

    That's the most beautiful fort I've ever seen. I dream of doing that one day with my husband. Hope you are able to rest in these last few weeks. Anything you can, do it outside (if it's warm and sunny) :)

    siniann said...

    I love that fort, it looks so cozy.
    For the to do-lists, maybe you can chop it on smaller pieces and arrange the time for yourself and relax. Do the things what make you smile, close your eyes and relax.
    I know it's hard, i'm the same and i can't even sleep when i have too much to do.Take care of yourself :)

    julie said...

    Forts in the the living room are so fun! And yours was so cosy and those blankets are beautiful!
    I love the "live in the sunshine" print - it's in the perfect happy colors.
    You will be a wonderful mother, thanks for sharing your thoughts! Happy weekending, hope you can cross off many things in your list and have rest, too!

    Britta said...

    I want to move in your fort - so lovely :)

    kosenrufu mama said...

    wonderful your nest!
    amazing be there for 3 night!
    you are a special person, surely you will be a wonderful mother.
    have a nice week end.

    The Maiden Metallurgist said...

    Find the time to slow down this weekend, I think your body will thank you. And I thank you for sharing these beautiful thoughts and pictures. Happy Saturday.

    Anonymous said...

    that fort is great! and like many others, i think you need to slow down too. do things for you :)

    Unknown said...

    I know how you're feeling in regards to the growing weekend to-do list. We have 3 weeks left and I'm starting to get a bit nervous as well.
    We have a 2-year old little boy and I know from experience the importance of constantly reminding yourself and living according to what you want your child to learn. You are their best teacher and teaching by example is the greatest way to teach. Its certainly easier than "do as I say"! =)

    LL said...

    Aura, reading this today really helped me. Due to an unfortunate circumstance, I am across the country from the place that I have been trying to build a life in. This past Friday, my boyfriend was in a terrible cycling accident. Being so far away from him and being unsupported by family is disappointing and stretching me thin. We can always use a reminder that we are loved and to love ourselves. I know you will overcome all of the challenges that await you, both the exciting ones and the ones that make you want to sit in the middle of the floor and cry. I will overcome my challenges as well. Respectfully, LL : )

    anna marie said...

    so many thanks for posting the live in the sunshine print! i've been in love with that quote for awhile, and that is absolutely perfect.

    xo.anna marie

    Jessica said...

    Love the fort Idea! We used to build forts all the time when we were kids in my parents living room, it was so fun, something I need to make the time to do with my son!
    You mentioned your site or things you make to sell...Is that public? If so where can we see your creations?

    Melody said...

    Hi Aura,
    love the fort! It is one of the most incredible I've ever seen and your baby girl is going to love this!

    I too can tend to get overwhelmed when my to-do list never seems to end, when every thing seems to need immediate attention. I know you aren't probably soliciting advice but... One thing that helps intensify situations for me is to ask: If I don't do this one thing, right now, will I end up homeless and naked? The answer is almost always No.

    Hope you have a wonderful and restful weekend.

    Stephanie said...

    Just repeat your mantra: "Don't worry about a thing, cuz every little thing is gonna be alright."
    I say, these things can wait, but if they are important to you to complete in order to have peace of mind then can you outsource any of these things to your family/friends?? Surely they want to help ensure that you are relaxing and taking it easy. :)

    Ok, now this will sounds kinda random, but did you know the best way to bathe a baby is in a bath with yourself? :) I think that you are supposed to wait a certain amount of time after giving birth to get in a bath, but this is something Michael can also enjoy with the baby too. I know that's random and maybe you already knew that, but I think its much nicer than subjecting a baby to a cold plastic tub.

    Lyndsay said...

    I absolutely love the Emerson sign. Keep surrounding yourself with and surrendering to beauty and love. Baby Joon will love you and Daddy no matter if you get those to-dos done or not, and so will everyone else who matters. Stay in peace.

    Mimi said...

    Cool fort! What a great idea :)

    I say nix most of that list and take some time to put your feet up, read a book or whatever else is relaxing for you, and truly enjoy these last moments before your sweet baby arrives. It's a perfect time to take care of yourself before having to take care of a tiny little person who will need you for everything. There will always be to-do lists. Plus, whatever you don't get done now will eventually get done and that's okay. I remember thinking that I had to get everything done BEFORE the baby arrived, as if that was the ultimate deadline and nothing could get accomplished afterwards. That is so not true, although it can feel that way. And it's okay to ask others to help out and mail that pkg or whatever. Just growing a baby is a huge job in and of itself. Think about how much work you're doing every second of every day nurturing that tiny precious life! It's a big deal!!!

    Time goes by so quickly and it's nice to savor the moment if you can. The week before my daughter arrived, I sat in my comfy chair by the window and finished an 800 pg book that I had wanted to read, cooked yummy lunches for myself, took leisurely walks, watched movies and mentally prepared myself for the journey of labor and motherhood. It was time perfectly spent and I can't even remember what my to-do list was! But I do remember how wonderful it was to catch my breath, relax, and focus on what was to come from a place of peace. All will be well :)

    gee said...

    there is defiantly NEVER enough hours in a day.
    i am in love with your fort..what a wonderful idea.
    my husband will prob think i am crazy if i build one..but i think i might.. :)

    sarah said...

    where is that emerson print from? or did you make it? it's absolutely gorgeous!

    janis said...

    my fiancé & i made a fort for valentine's day too! although, yours looks a lot more exotic than ours did!

    Dylana Suarez said...

    Stunning fabrics! Your blog is so inspiring!


    Unknown said...

    You're nesting Aura Joon, that's all. You want to get it all done, not before the weekend so you can rest, but before the baby comes. Just be glad you're not moving house too (grin).

    Naya said...

    Don't stress too much, dear Aura, everything will come together. This is coming from a mom whose sweet baby boy decided to make his entrance 3 and a half weeks early. I had gone in for a routine midwife appointment and it turned out I was half way to having a baby. We didn't have a pediatrician picked out or much else, other than a crib and a car seat.

    On that note, you may want to ask your midwife if she has a preferred list of providers if you're thinking about doing something out of the norm, like delayed vaccinations. Compare that with your insurance's list of providers and hopefully you'll find a match. Does insurance have a website you could where you could search for a provider?

    Your friend's note was very sweet. Keep that in mind throughout the rest of your pregnancy. Just remember that everything will fall into place, even if it doesn't seem like it. If all else fails, rebuild the fort and hide out for a few days with Baby Joon and Michael :)

    Melanie said...

    You little fort-dwelling cutie!!

    I hope you find time to relax and not stress. We can seriously be our own worst enemies sometimes!

    Your fort made me flash back to child hood, except our forts were not nearly as fabulous as your's! Haha.


    Jodi said...

    just three words for you today:

    "Be Here Now"


    Your parcel

    Gaby said...

    Such a lovely post. I'm also at a point where I feel like my to do list is drowning me as I get ready to start yoga teacher training next weekend, but like you said, I need to remember to stop, breathe and make time for myself. xx

    Manu said...

    What a beautiful love fort! I'll definitely make one as soon as I get a bigger living room, LOL! Besos et bon week-end!

    Anonymous said...

    Your cat is so cute. :)

    I'm like you, I'm a busy-body. Sometimes it damn near KILLS ME. I once had something close to a panic attack because I couldn't find time in my schedule to go to Walmart and buy SOCKS.

    And then sometimes I do things like quit my second job, stop spending so much, and enjoy life.

    I've found the best way to control a to-do list is to only look at the first thing. Totally block out everything else untill that ONE THING is done. One thing at a time, or else you lose your mind. That's what my mom always says. :)

    P.S. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for linking to SoulPancake. I'd never heard of it and I read all of the 13 free pages online just now and in challenged my thinking in so many ways. :)

    Kristin said...

    I have a ten month old. I used to be a busybody...and I still am sometimes when everything seems to go just right.

    But reality has it that I hardly get any of the things on my to-do list done in the time frame that seems most desirable to me.

    But my reality is better than my most wonderful dreams because of my kid. He's the best. Laundry and work and thank yous and nesting just don't seem to matter like they once did. And if I get bugged that it's hard to make time, I force myself to relax and play even harder with one of the two most amazing humans I know to date.

    He (and my husband) are teaching me so much about letting go. It's a lot easier to just let go and love where we're at than to sit and think about everything we're not able to do. There will always be time a little later, you know?

    Bethany Susan said...

    soooo beautiful! you have a lucky daughter. and you are blessed with awesome people in your life. your fort is rad!!!

    Kathleen said...

    hope you had a good weekend full of REST :) I understand what you are going through, having a baby for the first time brings a whole world of UNKNOWNS. sometimes its easier to keep our minds and bodies preoccupied with other things:)

    Remember... B R E A T H E

    Marfio said...

    Hello Aura! I love your fort and the idea of taking TIME on Valentine's to be with the one your love.

    I'm sorry that things seem overwhelming at the moment - I can't imagine how much work it must take to get your home and your life ready for a baby.

    Thank you for your honesty in this post.

    Have faith in yourself. You are a wonderful person and you will be a wonderful mother.

    Unknown said...

    Just lovely...and kinda what I needed to read this Monday morning!:)

    Ramona said...

    that camp is the coolest idea ever! Love it!
    I guess we all sometimes have to pause for a moment and breathe, rethink and do the things we know we are supposed to be doing instead of the things we think we must be doing.

    Learning said...

    It is so hard to find moments to enjoy life when there is a lot to do. It's somehow encouraging to me that even you, who are so well grounded, have to work on this. Thanks so much for sharing.

    - Angela

    Nuha said...

    oh my god, this looks like a Mediterranean oasis! Love it!!! Where did you get all of those gorgeous blankets from? And I'm new to your blog..I'm guessing congrats are in order!

    ~Mommy+Me~ said...

    Love the idea you & hubby came up with, that is so sweet!
    Love your blog, especially all the beautiful pictures.

    I am hosting a giveaway on mine, if you'd like to stop over...

    Unknown said...

    aaww, its like a mini Khayma in your own home.

    angelarenai said...

    Omg I havent read through your blog in a while and just popped in but OMG that tent in your living room is soooo wildly romantic. I might try pulling something like that off next year. Beautiful posts dear!